taking time out

I loved my grandmother. She understood me – all of me. When my mom came down on me with sharp stinging words, she was the one that gave me a reassuring pat on the leg. When the dark clouds of my mom’s depression engulfed our home and I heard Strauss Waltzes coming down the driveway, … Continue reading taking time out


Don’t ever save anything for a special occasion being alive ís the special occasion Onderstebo. Dis hoe jy my na die lewe laat kyk. Uit ‘n ander hoek. Jy is die tweede kind, ek het gedink ek weet alles. Jy is my verrassing, my joy wat ek laag vir laag kan skil. Agter my en … Continue reading terloops…


Ek wou diep gaan grawe Mooi woorde oopkrap My klip-lippe inspan Om lofprysings te sing. Maar voor ek my kon kry Slaan alles toe soos ‘n boek. Ek sit myself laaste op die lys, Seker omdat ek self ‘n ma is En weerloos oop voor al my eie foute staan. (12 April 2015) As dit … Continue reading tweestryd


School holidays in our home were happy times. I allowed the children to build blanket houses underneath the dining room table and Lego cities all over the lounge carpet, tables and chair armrests. Days would go by with them playing, continuing their stories, army attacks and space missions. Then, out of the blue it would … Continue reading sanity


mens moenie so ontevrede wees met jou seisoen nie as jy weer kyk is als verby en dan is jy werklik gelukkig, as jy ná die tyd kan sê dit is goed ek moes iets leer 10 November 2014 Ek kan nie sê dat ek ma ooit verstaan het nie, en tussen ons lê dae, … Continue reading woorde


The Beginning We build our own prisons, and carry them around. We bang our heads against heavy bars, and silently cry out for help. Some manipulative moves force us to our knees and we become immovable objects, trapped in the misery of our circumstance. I felt like a caged bird. Trapped. Powerless. What does it … Continue reading powerless


We construct walls around ourselves and our secrets, disable our feelings for fear of being found out by others. It is the war within that causes the most damage. The lies we tell ourselves, the discord between our hurting hearts and the facade we keep to the outside world. It takes courage and despair to … Continue reading denial

awakening hope

There are days when I think back on those hopeless moments. Subtle reminders of despair. A smell or a sound will trigger an avalanche of memories, and in an instant I am aware of the brutal journey, the countless adjustments and realignments that brought me to this day. It is only now, standing on a … Continue reading awakening hope